Today marks the first day of the new academic year. Today I have chambre ensemble II and I have to audition but I really haven't prepared anything formally.
Today is the day I curl up in a ball and roll away from reality.
This has been a rough few weeks for me - and given all this pressure I'm surprised I haven't started the downward spiral of depression. Sometimes life is just a little too hard, and can sit on my shoulders just a little to heavily.
But now school starts, something a little more concrete and real. I have spent all morning in this irrational anxious fervour. I have just been shaking, scared thinking about what lies ahead for me. I don't feel like doing much and I know that getting ready and going to chambre ensemble is really going to be a painful challenge. Maybe I am already depressed!
Sometimes I wonder if I can actually handle the life style I've set out for myself. I have so much to worry about and so much to do. The scary thought is I can't really turn back now.
When I come face to face with fear, change, and misery, what will I do? Will I just sheepishly back away like a dog with its tail between its legs? Or will I push forward with the lion that lives in my hear? Will I roar thunderously, will I pounce, and strike fast? I want to say yes. In fact I know I will. I am known to never really just sit there and fade to black, or just lie there and die. I guess sometimes I need to just be a little more sensible. I can make mistakes and I guess that's what makes everything interesting.
Sometimes it's easy to feel alone.
