why the fuck

did i go to bed at 4 am.

i'm getting it on with all the wrong people.

good morning this is so early ughhhhh

big day yo

i have a reoccurring dream i'm conducting an original piece in front of a huge orchestra, and i'm looking at the score of what I wrote and am loving it. but i'm not a composer! ah!

happy 150th, Say Anything!

splish splash sploosh sposh

drip drip drip

Yesterday was awesome. i slept in too long today. So much to do! Meetings, waffles, concerts, birthday days.

i'm so lucky to be leading such a charmed life. yoga in the mornings, school at day, drinks at night. chocolate throughout all that. great food, amazing friends, constant laughter. i just can't believe the life i lead. 

i'm going to some sort of concert/live performance each day this weekend. yesterday was Spirale to support a friend, and it was actually pretty mind blowing. I don't fully understand dance and really how difficult what they're doing is, but the second act had really phenomenal performers. Today, Pétrouchka! Tomorrow, organ performance in the oratory by a concert organist in one of the world's biggest organs.  What the fuck. I must've done something right to deserve this life. 

It still baffles me I have full control over my future, and with that so many options. the world is my oyster. 

if there is one thing i love about my program, I can just call my profs and see and talk to them, totally casually. it's really bizarre. my piano prof's house is easily one of the cutest places i've ever seen. god she's amazing. booked an extra lesson that went on for 2 1/2 hours. it was supposed to be just an hour, but with much rep comes much coaching! 

you meet these people in life that just bring out the best in you, and for that you're forever grateful. So many people, i owe so much to, already, and it's only been a few months i know them. what have i done to deserve this? i feel into this amazing community of people. montreal is great, truly.

y'all are great.

people ask me

eric why do you work out? or eat brocoli?

and i tell them, it's because i get a sick satisfaction with doing things that are healthy for me. sure, working out sucks and it's time consuming and tiring, and sure brocoli tastes bad, but it's that feeling of "being healthy".

hehehe

also... oh i had something to say last night but i forgot. hopefully it'll come back to me. ok crazy day ahead.

love ya'll

Well this is it

My life is together. However, sometimes I wake up in the morning and think,

I can go to school in New York for free... 

Then I get really excited, but nervous because my future is so uncertain and dependent of what I want. And I want a lot of stuff!

That and I was reading Elizabeth Smart. How could I not feel poetic and cryptic after reading some of her works?

Pfff.


Welp, i'm going to be hella late for class. But i want french toast now that i have maple syrup and too many eggs and too much bread!

8:42. Holy smokes, yo.

Bye my cool cats!

faithless

a heaviness in my heart, as a nostalgia fills the oxygen i breathe

ivy grows over boulders and logs, trapping behind it the hot springs

green tapestry and a heavy coat of vines cover the bare face of the earth

was it not yesterday that your words like venom slowly entered my body? my soul is just a small pond reflecting it's environment. slowly the clouds pass, growing and shrinking, kissing the sky

a constant slide, movement so fluid and graceful swans stop to admire

you think you can just flip your hair and let the breeze capture me like the dust that floats in the room?

sensual hugs and romantic kisses, push me to the wall and light the candles. why can't i conjure these feelings? you're like a lemming, so determined to jump. a train that stops for nothing or anyone

let me jump on your empty freights, let me pull myself up above the grain, and smile. let the wind rush past my face, my hair flowing behind me. let the rays and current race together as i admire the view and avoid the smoke stack

along the gold coast i ride. i know that it's the answer to be there and not here

in this concert prison my life trickles like a slow leak from a bucket. i was made to burst forth and rush along the liquid earth. i was meant to slice through pale clouds, slowly causing the grains to catch fire. passion fills my arms.

each day

passes

not every wanderer is a lost a soul

what am i doing writing a post on saturday night (also known as st. pat's celebration day)?

crying

because i'm not out getting drunk.

yuck.

i had to decline goin' out tonight. i'm just so fucking tired. plus i went to the bar too many times this week. all that to say, i'm happy that tonight i'll be getting 12 - 3000 hours of sleep to make up for my week of going to bed late and waking early.

like today, i woke up at 7:30 (crazy) to teach. and i did drink the night before. why?

well, it was my student's audition today, and apparently she did really well. i have hope in myself as a taecher, and that makes me happy on the inside. chair of music said she was head and shoulders above the other auditionees, so i must'a done something right.

so at studio 7, i'm just something else, and so out going. i love it.

i have so many interviews lined up for summer jobs, i'm so thrilled. it's a weird idea being able to choose where i want to work, opposed to going to where i'll be taken. also i'm not renewing my lease (say whhhhhhhhhaaaaaattttt)

ok i can't function any more, must sleep

night y'al

big day ahead tomorrow

i'm feeling the crunch of end of year chaos (CHAOS

i hope no one reads this blog - water

off a duck's back

quack quack =)

had a huge breakfast for no good reason. at least i'll be full for  little while

this weekend has been a good opportunity for me to regain all the sleep i missed throughout the week, finally

fuck day lights saving!

so going to danielle's soon to see her and sarah, then cook a bunch and dance and jam out, good way to spend my sunday

mind you i do have a presentation to do on monday... fuck

maybe i can get that done now...

soon i will be changed and on campus. i can't say i don't love lazy mornings though

and i know someone out there likes them too

i don't want to meet anyone new, or have a relationship with anyone. commitment is too much, i just want to make out with girls and guys in montreal, like nuit blanche. im afraid to meet the person of my dreams and 'lose' my young years, of getting wasted, sleeping at 5 am then waking up at 9 am to go to an interview.

(all while having really healthy looking skin)

though i realize i'm... unique to say the least. my interests are unique and my life style is really unique. sometimes i feel like a 22 year old trapped in the body of an 18 year old, yet other times i totally feel my age (if not younger)

weird how that works, and how so many things that i'm trying to categorize are just these superfluid factors of my identity. things change, people change, it's just sometimes hard to keep up this constant movement, sometimes you just want a home, or a little stability

truth be told i'm a lucky duck. just my life style alone is a true testament to how lucky i am, and how I have a whole life and world ahead with so much opportunity to be and act the way I want. I hope i never forget this feeling, because there is nothing more terrible to me than the idea of people losing grasp of the fact that they are lucky. entitlement is a dangerous thing.

i hope no one reads this blog.

i hope one day, a sunny day, and a little windy, i can look back at this, and look back at my life and only feel good. i hope that i can smile about everything that's happened and think that i was such a fool.

i know i will. and i know that day is coming, as the days get longer and the air gets warmer, i will

i just can't wait to walk the mountain, and walk to school without a coat, and to work, to extend my connections and branch out

thanks, world

i'm grateful for ya.

and so

you ask me, eric why

but then i'm like

ye

and oh ye

crazy fucking day, from start to finish

loving it though!

peace