Something andante please

ok spanish love songs will do.

Boom! Christmas is done. And now, new years. I just want to get wasted really badly and follow my record of making out with my least preferred sex for no good fucking reason.

Another year is over. Ok i'm done with capitalization.

how do i wrap up this year? oh jeez... first off long.  it feels like ages between prom and when i moved into my apartment.

i must say this year has been so diverse. i've encounter the lowest lows along with the highest highs of my life. weird how they go hand in hand.

i can't seem to think about this year and be able to define it exactly. it feels just so damn radical.

i'm happy it's over and we're headed to 2013. not because i had a bad year, but because i'm ready to move on, forward in time and my life.

there are some people in this world i love. just typing the above made me think of this one guy. ahh

eaasssyyyyyy

why won't you try and contact me? hmph.

well tomorrow is going to be equally as productive as today, which means i'll be doing nothing. it's nice. but i really need to shower. my back is hurting from all the practicing and (more so) the sitting idly at the computer. I want to talk or move, something. damn weather.

parents have a bunch of sheet music here, and i'm working on sight reading. i mean i'm not a great piano player, but my forte is sight reading without a doubt.

well this is not going to make sense and that's ok. one day at a time. one day.

happy new years, guys. i hope to see you all soon. also hopefully i won't see you when i'm drunk and offer you a -- actually let's just leave it there. best not bring up touchy subjects.

the help is a good movie.

i like the colour beige.

jasmine tea is my favourite drink ever.

i'm going to waste my life playing minecraft.

bye!

k310

Well fuck.

Ok craziness.

Soon I will be home.

One

more

day.

One one one one one.

Amazement

Call me Alexander.

Or call me tommy.

sometimes I feel so lost, so confused, not sure what to do, but sometimes i feel so at home, like I belong. sometiimes i feel like everything is a perfect disaster, and everything is upside down but i'm ok with that .

i'm done exams! yay!

i spend this evening out with truly amazing people. louise, stephan, and her other students. truly a wondrous evening. there are people out there that just make you happy to be alive. those are the people who make me happy. i don't know what i'd do without the laughs, and jokes, the drinks and food

next week i return to my home in ottawa, just until university again. i was once itching to get away, but now i just want to stay, with these people who fill my life with energy.

sometimes

everything is so beautiful

thank you world

Cb

Well, December 7th is is. Crazy to think a new year is winding down on us.

The image I project of myself is a very important aspect of who I am. Might be crazy of me to think this. This also means that when someone i trust and like tells me that the image I project is one I would consider negative can really affect me. can one's outward image reflect their sexual preference? should i take a certain label negatively? How do I respond when I am negatively effected by something like this?

questions!

it bothers me that the best part of my day involves walking to and from school. Something happens where i just walk the streets of montreal and get lost in the sounds of the city. Something about the grey and blue that makes me smile so uncontrollably. the beautiful people in the streets and the movement of trafic makes me feel confident. 

I create my reality. I like my reality, kinda. 

Ah busyness! Why must exams happen all at the same time? Also I'm tired of paying bills and i'm only 18. 

what else to complain about? ah nothing. i'm prepared for all my exams, and what i'm not prepared for, I will be in time. good feeling indeed! 

Some people

Some people. Crazy how people are entering my life with such different impacts on me. Some positive, some negative, some neutral.

There are some people in this world that make me happy to wake up. Some people who inspire me to create, inspire me to be active.

There are some people who invoke a certain something in me that allows me to sit back and appreciate the world. Some people who allow me to sit here, in my cluttered apartment, and enjoy every moment of it.

There are some people who make me giggle and smile uncontrollable just by and email, or a message.

Some people inspire me to be a better person, to help those in need, to teach, to guide.

There is something in those people that are just so attractive. They are the silver lining.

Now this post speaks to you. Be an inspiration. Be someone's beacon. Be someone's reason to smile in the morning.

I may not be perfect. I may not have all the answers. I know that there are somethings that I dream of that are unachievable. somethings that i can only experience in my dreams.

This blog may not be read by anyone. That's ok. let this area be a place for me to speak to the abyss, to space.



this week will be crazy and so on.

I don't want to say it will be stressful, that's not the colour I'm going for. I'd say that these next few weeks will be full of energy. Full of movement.

I am understanding school. I am loving school.

I don't know what I want to do in life, all I know is I'm happy with the people in my life, and I'm happy with the world I'm living in.

And

the saddest part of it all

i will never meet my idols.

i will never meet burnie burns, chase whiteside, claude deubssy

this really sucks

i know it's late and i have harmony in the morn and that masters class i need to practice for. everything is getting so stressful! blarg!

some things in my life just send is suspended disbelief, some things need to be resolved if only for a second.

today i composed and it sounded just like chopin

maybe my lack of luck is just a sign i have yet to figure out

night world.

literally

one of the best days of my life filled with friends, jamming, practicing, sight reading, learning

ps i got a clarinet!

Chomedey Chronicles II

The livin' is easy. Kind of.

So much busyness and chaos in my life and I feel I'm being totally counterproductive by not using this time to do some sort of homework related thing. Also something nearby smells like baby powder and I don't mind

So, today was crazy and the next little while will be crazy. I imagined that after my midterms last week, it'd be clear sailing for lil' old me, but alas this is not the case. Where to begin?

I've been feeling so productive recently, sadly I'm not focus my energy where it needs to be... Well just for composition. I'm already late for one composition and if I don't pull up my socks it'll escalate to two. Wah

Listening to this playlist is making me think of musicals and 2 summers past. God life was so amazing and I was so foolish to think otherwise. Maybe the same can be applied to my current state? We'll see

My life recently has been music music music. So much music. So many people to jam with, so many pieces to play, so many people to play with.

So lessons are good and all that jazz. This Thursday I have a Masters Class. Fancy, right? I'm only in a first year! What is being demanded of me is great, yet very very demanding. I'm working my buns off to try and get my Rondo and etude up to performance level. Today alone I clocked about 4 - 5 hours on the piano at school, alternating between some uprights and some grands. I, luckily, am now able to book classrooms to practice. No more little 5' x 7' windowless practice rooms! Now I have a full view of Montreal along with a Steinway and yamaha grand at my disposal! Not to mention the harpsichord! :o)

Speaking of productivity I've made a schedule recently of all the crazy nonsense things I need to do, and more than ever I feel prepared. Not only that I feel independent and responsible. I really let school fall to the back burner on my priorities but no longer! I'm also focused on keeping my apartment somewhat clean.

Anywho yay productivity. For the next few days I have so many hours of practicing I plan to book. Today's practice really really worked well, my rondo is finally getting there, including the killer scales and rough arpeggios. On the down side, the hours of sitting on those piano benches with all the moving and sitting has really hurt my lower back. Insult to injury.

Surprisingly I'm very tired. Late night last night, went to a concert, early this morn to see m'landlord. Hopefully tomorrow morn I can sleep a little in the AM before practicing, then heading over to a friends place for a few hours, then coming home and practicing. Soon I will take a photo to show you guys what my work space looks like =].

Meeting new people, getting invited out, being a better piano player, learning more. University is truly amazing. Let it be known I sometimes have sleepless nights thinking about my origins in Ottawa, and where my life would be if I stayed. You guys are my friends and always will be. You were all with me when I was growin' up and all that. I will remember you all.

Anyway, So long and thanks for all the fish!

Basic space

well now you find me on a train headed to Ottawa, currently I'm admiring the beautiful of Mont Royal.

Today was a beautiful day. I might have been late (as usual) for my ear training class, but I was only about 1 minute late. Anyway I nailed my ear training midterm. Every melody, every chord progression, interval and rhythm I feel so confident about. Which is a great feeling, considering that's my hardest course. The sight singing along with sight rhythm pieces were a little more difficult, but still ok. It's not easy to conduct in compound time while singing a melody/ta-ing a rhythm. Now that's over, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

I've been meeting so many cool people, I don't know where to begin really. I feel as though university is the best thing to happen to me. I'm learning so much about myself, about music, about others. It's an amazing feeling when one can identify the direction they're headed along with being totally content with that movement. I don't have all the answers, but I feel myself riding along in the world I want to live. Not everything is perfect but there is so little I can do about that.

I am grateful to be alive.

Tonight will be amazing and probably the worst thing I can do to myself. I can't wait to see you all, and get way too drunk for my own good.

I just watched a train take off. Cool.

as i was preping myself to leave my home, something happened. i looked at my kitchen. the sun was hitting it in such a way that lite everything up. It was beautiful to witness. I feel independent. I am my own human being. I have my own destiny.

Until tonight.

Hahaha

Night blogging?

Barely.

Well while being inspired truly, I've come to realize a lot of things about me. I went through a phase that I think everyone can relate to, even if it is embarrassing to admit. I think that phase is trying to be mysterious; illusive. The mentality that it would just be so cool if you were followed and admired by all your friends, and they died to know something about your tormented and deep self.

Have I left that? Well let me preface that with this fact: I'm a leo, and I'm a proud person by nature (and maybe nurture). So, I think I've come out of that. Now that I'm meeting new people, I see where one would desire that idea, but realistically, it's just not going to happen. So now, I pride myself on being honest, and straight forward. I'm so tired of beating around the bush, it's about time people just said how they felt, and did what they want (and Phil shoot me now, but all in moderation haha). Also that being said, I'm not perfect and can't apply that one statement to everything I do. It's the growing Montrealer in me, haha I kid.

What else is up? Well I'm in touch with Clermont still, which is really awesome. It's truly amazing that I'm still able to seek out help to her even though we're cities apart. It's incredible how much she's helped me shape who I am. Fun story, when I was first coming out my mom, she had called Madame because she knew I talked to Madame frequently about how I felt, and my thoughts. Madame was pretty obligated to respond to questions too, considering I wasn't 18 and all at the time. Anyway, so Clermont confronted me on this, and during the conversation I was getting a little worked up, and Madame asked the question "do you think you're mother is ashamed of the way you are?"

and I fucking lost it. I just ran to the chapel and cried. Luckily I had a special someone to hold me while I was bawlin', and Madame just stood outside of the chapel, her back away from the entrance holding her little laptop bag.

It's moments like that.

(P.S. don't worry, things have gotten much better with my mom and she's not all ashamed and stuff)

Not to digress, I think I'm just a person, just trying to get by and make some people smile along the way. I owe a lot of my self realization to some people who were close to me, and others who I had never met. Sarah is a great example of the former, I owe a lot to her, along with Phil. A not close example would be Burnie from the podcast I listened to. He really guided me into what it means to be an honest person. Taoism helped too, and really the idea of treating people the way you want to be treated. It's incredible that I have found these people in my life who I can look up to without shame or guilt, those who can indirectly guide me to what I want to do, where I want to be in life. To all of you, thank you.

Moving on before I turn this into some sort of sloppy mush post, I am dilemma'd. Do I stay with music? Do I do business? Do I go into something that will bring me closer to people I want to be, like Burnie? Or am I just obsessing over kind-of-but-not-really celebrities? Is this what it's like to just be indirectly 'star struck'? Bah, so many questions such little time.

With this ending note I say, Phil, your vlog is amazing.

That's all fur now, toodles y'all.

Rebotco

hey guys,  vote on the poll i made ^!

in my happy place

Well what a crazy couple of days. So much happenin', as usual.

Where to start? Well lessons. Yet again my prof amazes me with her musical knowledge and teaching skills. I want to say that my lessons are turning me into a crazy performer/composer. Not sure yet. Moving on, I enter my lessons fairly put together, ready to play and accept feed back. Lo and behold, my lessons turned into 75 minutes of pure information. Once, I left, I tried to process that information and write it down in my notebook. I left the university and walked home, the entire time my face in my book, trying to remember and reiterate all my prof said.

Needless to say I looked crazy.

So I get home after lessons, pretty tired because I hadn't slept much throughout the week, then my mom skypes me. But surprise, it's not my mom, it's my entire family as we celebrate grandma's 80th birthday. It was hard to get a word across edge wise, because my family was all cramped around my computer yelling things at me like "are you high!? are you wearing pants? put pants on! (i was wearing pants, just to clarify). oh I found your chequebook and am writing cheques to your brothers!"

And the reoccurring theme for the first 30 minutes was "what's the wifi password!?" Haha
Luckily I can remember shit like that

CA9ITHSM4D

So it looks like my family was able to settle how we're going to divide up christmas gift-giving for each other. We did a secret santa with a few changes. A) you can give gifts to anyone you want, you aren't limited to your secret santa recipient B) 50 dollar limit on your secret santa recipient C) the boys are giving out gifts amongst each other D) you can replace your gift with something homemade E) everyone is gifting me this christmas season.

Wait what was up with that E)? I don't understand either, but because I just moved out, this year is "my year" where everyone is buying me stuff. Well there goes my financial woes.

I am part of the secret santa, and I'm doing an original composition for my aunt camille! Maybe if I'm lucky I will have time to do one for my other aunt Francine who really wanted one. And one for my mom, of course. Cam apparently has my name for secret santa too, which I suppose is a good thing considering she and he partner, john (who is awesome) are both well established entrepreneurs. speaking of which they're starting selling their businesses too.

anyway that was fun. I sang happy birthday to grandma through my computer with the family. sadly half way through singing the french happy birthday I heard an "oops" from my aunt camille who was holding the laptop and then the call disconnected. It was pretty instantaneous too, like "oops-" cut. She facetimed me shortly after though.

Moving along, my courses are good. My aural perception prof thinks I'm a musical genius for some reason and my composition course is so intimidating due to the fact is a joint course of 2nd, 3rd and 4th year students. It doesn't help they're all composers.

So I found out my closest university friends, Richard, has a girlfriend. I'm assuming he just recently hooked up with her because I've spent a considerable amount of time talking to him while studying, or doing ear training with him and he's never mentioned her before.

Considering I think he's so cute, how does this make me feel? For some strange reason, so really happy =]! I was walking home from university right after he told me and was just so elated! Weird huh? You'd think I'd be upset, or jealous or something, but nope, it's making me smile right now. Maybe I know what it's like to be a friend? What it means to be a bro?

Rereading that it seems a little out of a place and stupid. Regardless it means something to me. It's nice not feeling jealous.

God, Debussy's Fantasy for Piano and Orchestra is just out of this world. I beg you guys to just listen for like 30 seconds. The link will bring you to the 3rd movement.

Did I mention I hit my fingernail and it bled underneath the nail!? It was yesterday morning. I woke up and went to take a shower, so I went to open the washroom window. When I grabbed the moving panel of the window, I kind of clawed my fingers around the top so I was essentially getting all sides of the top. So I went to forcefully budge my stiff, old window, and it took off. Sadly my finger that was wrapped around it to the back got wedged in between the two windows in a sense, and all that pressure went to my middle finger's nail.

Ok that was a terrible explanation, all you need to take away from that is I really hit my finger nail hard. So it hurt and bled underneath it, so it looks like on my one finger I've got some weird blue/redish nail polish/tarnish on it, around the top. It looks gross, but not that gross. And it hurts, but not that much, y'know?

Should I proof read this? Meh.

also, before I finish this huge text,
happy weekend, y'all. =)

now listen to this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=tzq9ExON1pc#t=426s

oh and cool pictures

Chomedey Chronicles

Well we've arrived! Post secondary is here, and amongst as all. How's it going for y'all? Post something!

School is literally the best thing ever. Not enjoying the $ 8,000 price tag however. Spent the weekend with my family, they all came up to spend G's 80th at the tall ships (old ships in the port). Had an amazing time. All I ate this weekend was steak and I all I drank was beer. Pretty spectacular weekend, for sure.

Went to the most expensive restaurant too. No main course was under 40 bucks. I felt weird ordering something from there. The spanish coffee was really cool too. Just goes to show that if someone with experience makes you something to drink, you don't taste the alcohol.

Already meeting so many awesome people in uni =]. Making friends already! It can be intimidating being in an elevator with some 3rd/4th years. Besides that everyone is really friendly and amiable, so all is well =]. I'm talking to this really nice guy who seems to really enjoy the same things as me... Imagine if he liked Rooster Teeth? Hahahaha

My private lessons prof is amazing. I'm pretty much already in love with her and I've spend 2 hours with her in total so far. She owns a wicker purse in the shape of an aardvark.

I have yet to get ANY of my books. Out of the last 4 times I've went to the bookstore, all my books have been sold out. Crazy. And now all my books will be coming in this week because they had to ship more for me specifically.

Exams seems like they'll be nice and easy anyway. Nothing too challenging this year, which is nice. Sight singing is pretty stressful though, along with my composition course.

Oh I'm starting my job tomorrow as a waiter. I'm also freaking the fuck out. I'm literally so nervous to be working as a waiter... Ahhh so many "what ifs" running in my head right now, I'd be surprised if I got any sleep... Cool thing about my work is I pick my shifts each month. This month I'm working 6 - 11:30 pm Monday, Wednesday and Sunday. Hopefully I can train my body to take more effective naps so I won't be sleep deprived until I can sleep in each Saturday. Getting to bed at 12AM then having to wake up at 8AM the next day might be hard...

Well I'm having a great night, enjoying some down time before this week hits. Ah, this is the life. Absolutely amazing.

I hope to hear from y'al soon. Good luck to you guys with your schooling endeavors!

i'm not alone

well the beginning of school around the corner! where do i begin on how excited and nervous and anxious i am? i know school is going to be the best this for me, especially right now.

summer of infinite learning, i say.
i'm not alone.
i'm never alone.

well it's time to start over. new school. new friends. scary that everything is behind me. my home is in a different city.

montreal is amazing. i love the city so much.

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

decisions decisions. why am i so young? i think i've got a lot of mature qualities. i can handle adult things. i'm living alone, aren't i?

don't know what to think or write.
off to practice, peace y'all!

p.s. good luck to you all in post secondary EDU =]

-------

Why, what a beautiful blank page this is to fill with my thoughts

Patriotic nonsense drives one crazy
Searching the exterior for what should come de l'interior
I'll have you know, the nationality field in on your passport brings you no bit further than where your true identity will bring you

Me? Tolerant? Yes
Me? Sacrificial? Only when it's required to get what i want

Am I supposed to stay indifferent from the lifeless, energy-less doormat that you use to enter?

Yes the tides have turned
From wicked winds in the east and clear sunny skies in the west
To the exact opposite
The west never really cared about the east in it's time of weakness
So why would the east, now that the shoe is on the other foot?

Bah
These shoes hurt my knees anyway

Nothing ever enough
The glass half empty despite my desperate attempts to fill it with -----

The desert is dry again
No rain
Prepare for inflation, y'all

Don't say "so" so frequently

Things have changed
The waterfall is now gentle like a soft river that becomes slowly consumed by the coast
This could be a result of lack o' water

Who knows

I'll tell ya' who doesn't
The two chirping birds in the forest during the storm, on that little branch
Nor the benevolent tyrant who runs everything
Nor those who gathered around me this evening for an amazing night

Hm
List of deadly things in the world (in decreasing order of deadliness):
-Apathy
-The mind being left alone to do nothing for too long
-A confused teenager with a blog
something something
-corporations
-some sort of bomb
something something

Where is my train ride to the ----?
Dearest train
Take me off the tracks to 0000
Please let it be either high in the sky
Or deep in the water
Please let me be alone
Leave me to my own devices

The end is near
Agatha, write me off as the most magnificent murder mystery England has ever seen

There is a point in a life
Similar to the one you're reading about
Where there are two choices
Do I hold on this, or let it go?

Talk to one another

That

warm summer air, so humid.

all in a flash. i can remember the long nights by christmas tree lights, the music, hugs and kisses.

3 am changed everything.

now i walk into my washroom and slowly feel my tap. i know this isn't going to be the same. everything will collect dust. everything a place holder.

Bizarre. I feel everything falling, a chromatic scale in Ravel's piano Concerto in G

Things are escaping me. The only thing I have left is thoughts of me in your arms. Crying. Painting. Dreaming. Thinking. Wondering.

Now my reality is coming so close to me.

i am the performer. the piano my life. everything is placed so perfectly.

the lilacs are in place.

you are the coughs in between my pieces. the soft chair squeaks that makes everything so real.

i mark the end of one part. one journey.

this might have been the starting point. it will never be forgotten.

now to connect this spot to the X. I look for the treasure.

Tomorrow, Phil and I are headed to Mont-Royal (aka Montreal) to check out some apartments. Scary, isn't it?

3 listing to check out. Weird weird weird.






This is the beginning of the end. I think i love you all.







If we're early enough, we can check out the Rockland Flea Market too, hehe

Earl Grey

In a car rides the love of a tiger's life.

Rooibos

strange craving for mozart harp and flute concerto.
There is too much oboe in this concerto.
Ok, today, have to get history done. That will be a weight off my shoulders. Really, the only reason why I'm going to do history on a Saturday is because I have nothing else to fill my time. Weird.

Mom got mad at me for no reason. Let me reenact the scenario:

9:53AM

Mother and step father are talking very loudly outside my room.
Mother opens my door, "Eric, Peter and I are leaving now to Grandma's"
I grunt.
Mom walks to the kitchen, and begins singing at the top of her lungs.
I go to shut my door because no one wants to hear a 50 year old mother sing music from the 70's once they awake.
I shut my door, mom starts yelling, 'ERIC OPEN YOU DOOR RIGHT NOW, THIS IS RIDICULOUS"
I open my door, she enters my room, begins yelling,
"YOU WANT TO MOVE OUT SO BAD GO YOU HATE IT HERE THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE YOU ARE SO RUDE I'M GOING TO NOT SUPPORT YOU LIKE YOUR FATHER HOW DARE YOU TREAT US THIS WAY I'M TAKING YOUR DOOR DOWN YOU DON'T DESERVE IT (and so on...)"
Me: "Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you"
Mom continues yelling. Then storms off. Then comes back into my room to yell more, then just before she's about to leave, she starts yelling again.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Luckily she's still shopping.

Anyway, thought I'd rant a bit. Time to explain the significance of the Ottoman Empire in the 16th century.

ta ta, y'all.

EDIT [6:38pm]:

Forgot to mention she threw tupperware at my face. She just came into my room apologizing, she claims "I was aiming for your body, not your face".

This.
Woman.
Is.
Fucking.
Crazy.

Oh la la

Linear?

Can you feel that? The world moving? The interactions, the energy, the movement? 

Driving home, i watched the water and the setting sun. 

I felt the world move. 

Let's get crazy.

I speak not of the euphoric, rather of the utopia that feels out of arms reach. I see it all, the world is spinning with a blur of the colour purple, a tiger and time. They are there, I see them, interact with them, but I'll never understand them. 

I am no scholar, nor am I a genius (which explains why I'm here). 

The blue surrounds the beige.

My life is significant, my world is a tool, my pre-emtive thoughts are the enemy. 

Can I be what i want? 

Can i be my Griffon Ramsey? My Burnie Burns? My David Karp? 

This passion, this desire, so beautiful, is it not? Each brilliant concept is a bird, they fly through out lives, and we hope that fate gives us the ability to pin it them and call it our own.

I want to be a leader, not a follower. I want to start my own business. I want a strong team. I want meetings every monday morning to discuss projects. I want emails. I want progress. I want to be on the other end of the line. 

I want to be Griffon, and I want to respond to Eric's tweets. 

I want to innovate. Create. 

I want this passion to start a business to last me until it happens. 

At least I know what I want, for once. 

Tyranny

like a kabalevsky symphony makes me feel power, like a sciabin piano sonata makes me feel lost, like a tchaikovsky "season" makes me feel remorseful,  like a chopin piano concerto makes me feel love. my mind is moving, shifting, expanding. nothing can contain my complaints. my confidence hitting highs even greater than DYY value.

the dust settles on the vacant village i once called home. run, flee, hide. let me get all avril lavigne and rhyme home with home.

tomorrow marks the beginning of the end. mozart, and kabalevsky showed me the world. i am able to loop around what i thought to be lost. tomorrow is my last piano performance in front of student, using those pieces. this is the end of my variation and sonata.

but with one closing door, comes a wide open one. well to be more accurate, the door was opened slightly, just so that thin beam of light could pierce through even the darkest room. then it got kicked open.

carleton accepted my vacant plea. but this time, going to concordia, things are different. i will have the wind on my back. this is it. this is final.

i'm not going to leave that audition room with a frown. i'm there, i'm here, i will burn more magnificently than the son of gods drowning in his brother in law's pool.

CULTIVATING

positive energy, one laugh, kiss, hug, word, 'i love you' at a time.

Movement II.

Well another semester is winding down, and another to come. Not to mention our last together.

I'm so far behind in online, it's terrible. but these music trips and other shenanigans aren't helping. on the other hand neither are my excuses.

news years resolutions? not sure i really want many. i feel pretty happy today, and have for a long time.

y'know, the future is scary when you are jumping in to, like deep into a body of water.
you know the water is warm, and deep. you know the sun doesn't reflect off the water.

i have my carleton audition on march 15th at 2:30, i have my concordia ear  training test and theory placement test on march 17th. ottawa u? i'm not even sure if i will audition - too much stress.

anyway i'm afraid of the future guys. i used to be so confident, but now it feels like theres no turning back. the problem doesn't lie with being forced to move in one direction, it's just the loss of control. montreal is so far.

i'm scared.
but more so tired.

talk to all of y'all later.