Well while being inspired truly, I've come to realize a lot of things about me. I went through a phase that I think everyone can relate to, even if it is embarrassing to admit. I think that phase is trying to be mysterious; illusive. The mentality that it would just be so cool if you were followed and admired by all your friends, and they died to know something about your tormented and deep self.
Have I left that? Well let me preface that with this fact: I'm a leo, and I'm a proud person by nature (and maybe nurture). So, I think I've come out of that. Now that I'm meeting new people, I see where one would desire that idea, but realistically, it's just not going to happen. So now, I pride myself on being honest, and straight forward. I'm so tired of beating around the bush, it's about time people just said how they felt, and did what they want (and Phil shoot me now, but all in moderation haha). Also that being said, I'm not perfect and can't apply that one statement to everything I do. It's the growing Montrealer in me, haha I kid.
What else is up? Well I'm in touch with Clermont still, which is really awesome. It's truly amazing that I'm still able to seek out help to her even though we're cities apart. It's incredible how much she's helped me shape who I am. Fun story, when I was first coming out my mom, she had called Madame because she knew I talked to Madame frequently about how I felt, and my thoughts. Madame was pretty obligated to respond to questions too, considering I wasn't 18 and all at the time. Anyway, so Clermont confronted me on this, and during the conversation I was getting a little worked up, and Madame asked the question "do you think you're mother is ashamed of the way you are?"
and I fucking lost it. I just ran to the chapel and cried. Luckily I had a special someone to hold me while I was bawlin', and Madame just stood outside of the chapel, her back away from the entrance holding her little laptop bag.
It's moments like that.
(P.S. don't worry, things have gotten much better with my mom and she's not all ashamed and stuff)
Not to digress, I think I'm just a person, just trying to get by and make some people smile along the way. I owe a lot of my self realization to some people who were close to me, and others who I had never met. Sarah is a great example of the former, I owe a lot to her, along with Phil. A not close example would be Burnie from the podcast I listened to. He really guided me into what it means to be an honest person. Taoism helped too, and really the idea of treating people the way you want to be treated. It's incredible that I have found these people in my life who I can look up to without shame or guilt, those who can indirectly guide me to what I want to do, where I want to be in life. To all of you, thank you.
Moving on before I turn this into some sort of sloppy mush post, I am dilemma'd. Do I stay with music? Do I do business? Do I go into something that will bring me closer to people I want to be, like Burnie? Or am I just obsessing over kind-of-but-not-really celebrities? Is this what it's like to just be indirectly 'star struck'? Bah, so many questions such little time.
With this ending note I say, Phil, your vlog is amazing.
That's all fur now, toodles y'all.
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