sorry y'all for the lack of updates. i got an actual journal like a real person and thus i don't need the blog as much.
my life pretty much hasn't changed. all around insecurities. i mean, i know little more about what is a feasible future for me. i guess little by little these things end up working out somehow
tonight there will be 8 people sleeping in my apartment. i only have 2 roommates. what!
i saw steph tonight and got some more insight into my eye problem as professors and students gathered around me looking at my eyes remarking how strange they work. all in french nonetheless. get away from me you people!
steph is doing really well and is in a very good place. i'm happy to hear this. i care deeply about her.
in celebration of my mum's birthday i will be going to ottawa. i don't know what i will be getting for her on her birthday. I'm thinking some tea or something like that. i know she likes art and stuff, so maybe something like that. they actually bought my train tickets and are putting me on business class for my trip back to montreal. very nice of them to do that for me.
alright, goodnight my space kitties. sleep tight! don't let the bed bugs bite! i hope to update more frequently.
e
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Thursday, October 2, 2014
here i am!
how is it that i'm some how working 2 jobs again this year!
i want to leave montreal.
life, so stressful.
mcgill is hard work, yo.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhho
blarg.
i want to leave montreal.
life, so stressful.
mcgill is hard work, yo.
ohhhhhhhhhhhhho
blarg.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
this term so far
has been bananas. i'm not talking like regular bananas, but straight up b-an-an-an-as
i told my boyfriend to come to my place after work. i told him i was going to be asleep. he felt like though reading in my room on his tablet, which is fine. what i don't understand is why he had to have a light on. better yet, why he turned on the lamp that shines directly on the bed. seriously? i know i invited you over but please have some consideration for those who are trying to sleep.
now i'm awake at 1 am and my plans for tomorrow have been derailed because i'm not going to get nearly enough sleep like i needed, wah.
i am pretty sure i'm going to be switching out of music. sad, kinda. but i just had so much pressure from my mother to go straight to university after highschool. i would have much preferred just workin' for a year or two or something to figure myself out. it's kind of sad to say, but that's probably a big part of why i chose music school, so i could have this time to figure things out.
anyhow now that i know what i want, my life has been essentially math. math this math that, and honestly, i really enjoy it. math is oddly fun, and right now i'm motivated to be at school and learning. I mean sure, it's still the first month of school, but nonetheless i think it's going to be a good one.
anyway, goodnight world. I'm going to try to sleep again, wish me luck eh.
~~~~
i told my boyfriend to come to my place after work. i told him i was going to be asleep. he felt like though reading in my room on his tablet, which is fine. what i don't understand is why he had to have a light on. better yet, why he turned on the lamp that shines directly on the bed. seriously? i know i invited you over but please have some consideration for those who are trying to sleep.
now i'm awake at 1 am and my plans for tomorrow have been derailed because i'm not going to get nearly enough sleep like i needed, wah.
i am pretty sure i'm going to be switching out of music. sad, kinda. but i just had so much pressure from my mother to go straight to university after highschool. i would have much preferred just workin' for a year or two or something to figure myself out. it's kind of sad to say, but that's probably a big part of why i chose music school, so i could have this time to figure things out.
anyhow now that i know what i want, my life has been essentially math. math this math that, and honestly, i really enjoy it. math is oddly fun, and right now i'm motivated to be at school and learning. I mean sure, it's still the first month of school, but nonetheless i think it's going to be a good one.
anyway, goodnight world. I'm going to try to sleep again, wish me luck eh.
~~~~
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
school!
is in a week and my schedule isn't even decided.
what is going on? mcgill is actually the worst, ever
i want to leave montreal! i want to go to an ivy league school!
all these things irrelevant. sorry for having neglecting this little guy for a bit -- everything has been in transition for the last little while. things are settling though, next big hurdle will be the first month of school but once i get the flow it'll be a lot better.
for my 20th birthday, which was a few weeks ago, i finally got my mum's sewing machine! can't wait to actually be able to use it at home in montreal.
i don't know if i can really make it through the end of this school thing. it looks like i might just drop music all together, maybe. this year will tell all i guess.
here is how it goes:
plan a) do a year of part time, spend a lot of time seriously focusing on technique for piano to get up to level with the rest of mcgill then tackle my b. mus next year, as a full time quebecois student,
or plan b) do the year of serious piano work, and realize finally that music isn't for me. try in the winter term some other courses, like computer science, or my political science and change my bachelor all together.
some might say that i'm already going on to my third year of university and i still am so uncertain about my future. some might say that's a lot of wasted time, or money. i guess i kind of agree. however it's important to note that a lot of people starting university don't really know what to do. especially with my family, there is so much pressure on going to university straight after highschool. i think i would've preferred taking some time off, working little and learning about myself instead of doing that while trying to finish a BA. I would appreciate the time for self discovery and less pressure.
i guess though in a sense i have done that. i haven't been terribly involved in school outside of the social aspect and have spent a lot of time discovering what actually interests me. luckily, i have found a lot of interests to pick from.
who knows what will happen to me in the next 5 years. most likely, i'll still be in school, i think.
who knows anything!
nothing is fo' shizzle.
singing out, interwebz.
what is going on? mcgill is actually the worst, ever
i want to leave montreal! i want to go to an ivy league school!
all these things irrelevant. sorry for having neglecting this little guy for a bit -- everything has been in transition for the last little while. things are settling though, next big hurdle will be the first month of school but once i get the flow it'll be a lot better.
for my 20th birthday, which was a few weeks ago, i finally got my mum's sewing machine! can't wait to actually be able to use it at home in montreal.
i don't know if i can really make it through the end of this school thing. it looks like i might just drop music all together, maybe. this year will tell all i guess.
here is how it goes:
plan a) do a year of part time, spend a lot of time seriously focusing on technique for piano to get up to level with the rest of mcgill then tackle my b. mus next year, as a full time quebecois student,
or plan b) do the year of serious piano work, and realize finally that music isn't for me. try in the winter term some other courses, like computer science, or my political science and change my bachelor all together.
some might say that i'm already going on to my third year of university and i still am so uncertain about my future. some might say that's a lot of wasted time, or money. i guess i kind of agree. however it's important to note that a lot of people starting university don't really know what to do. especially with my family, there is so much pressure on going to university straight after highschool. i think i would've preferred taking some time off, working little and learning about myself instead of doing that while trying to finish a BA. I would appreciate the time for self discovery and less pressure.
i guess though in a sense i have done that. i haven't been terribly involved in school outside of the social aspect and have spent a lot of time discovering what actually interests me. luckily, i have found a lot of interests to pick from.
who knows what will happen to me in the next 5 years. most likely, i'll still be in school, i think.
who knows anything!
nothing is fo' shizzle.
singing out, interwebz.
Friday, August 8, 2014
i'm back bitches
it's late so i'll keep it short
worked tonight, birthday soon, seeing family then too, which is cool.
there is a bug in the lamp, and the cat is trying to get it.
wish me a happy 20th, empty void that is the internet.
xo
worked tonight, birthday soon, seeing family then too, which is cool.
there is a bug in the lamp, and the cat is trying to get it.
wish me a happy 20th, empty void that is the internet.
xo
Sunday, August 3, 2014
the long day is over
wahhhhh
tonight was absolutely miserable. my job can either be so amazing or so truly terrible.
tonight my boss was in a bad mood and my coworker was just not being helpful. i don't know why, i was just so stressed out. i cried in the bathroom, and now cried when i got home
luckily the response from my lovely boyfriend was "welcome to the big league". wow thanks, ultra helpful. then he bitches about how i didn't talk about him setting up an IKEA bed frame alone. meanwhile the restaurant i worked at maybe over 1000 dollars in my shift (with 2 other people, in ~6 hours). he also knew i cried (twice). UGH
tomorrow i get to see Nikole and Zach, which'll be nice, actually. looking forward to it.
thanks for listening, internet.
xo
tonight was absolutely miserable. my job can either be so amazing or so truly terrible.
tonight my boss was in a bad mood and my coworker was just not being helpful. i don't know why, i was just so stressed out. i cried in the bathroom, and now cried when i got home
luckily the response from my lovely boyfriend was "welcome to the big league". wow thanks, ultra helpful. then he bitches about how i didn't talk about him setting up an IKEA bed frame alone. meanwhile the restaurant i worked at maybe over 1000 dollars in my shift (with 2 other people, in ~6 hours). he also knew i cried (twice). UGH
tomorrow i get to see Nikole and Zach, which'll be nice, actually. looking forward to it.
thanks for listening, internet.
xo
Sunday, June 22, 2014
being ok with solitude
hey internet world,
work has been a bit overwhelming. lots of work, little time. tomorrow starts my 12 hour shift! don't you love being close and trusted by your boss? if only i got a raise (ha ha HA)
wei is upset because we don't talk enough then promptly puts his headphones in. hmph. at least i'm melting over here using his fancy headphones now.
being ok with being alone is hard. i need to prove to the world (and to myself) that i am a valuable human being, so valuable in fact that another human wants to spend their free time with me! look at me!
hear my complain, dear internet. hear me well.
--
work has been a bit overwhelming. lots of work, little time. tomorrow starts my 12 hour shift! don't you love being close and trusted by your boss? if only i got a raise (ha ha HA)
wei is upset because we don't talk enough then promptly puts his headphones in. hmph. at least i'm melting over here using his fancy headphones now.
being ok with being alone is hard. i need to prove to the world (and to myself) that i am a valuable human being, so valuable in fact that another human wants to spend their free time with me! look at me!
hear my complain, dear internet. hear me well.
--
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
maniversary
WELL
that was the single worst trip to Ottawa.
It wasn't that bad to be honest. Just a lot more set backs then I had originally desired. Really though, I was expecting too much -- seeing too many people with not enough time.
In other, recent news, I got a viola and am starting lessons. It's fun.
Wei just bought a tablet. It's pretty! I read magazines on it!
I read Sarah's autobiography she wrote when she was I would say 14, and it was hilarious. I hope to be as cool as 14 year old Sarah.
I stayed at Sarah's! Although I didn't see her much this weekend it was nice to be around her. She be real funny -- along with Charlotte. Watson is real rad.
No clear direction for this post. Just listening to Young Offenders, waiting until I go to the cellphone store to get my cell fixed, then work and work.
Oh, thanks to my Phil for being cool.
Peace, y'all.
that was the single worst trip to Ottawa.
It wasn't that bad to be honest. Just a lot more set backs then I had originally desired. Really though, I was expecting too much -- seeing too many people with not enough time.
In other, recent news, I got a viola and am starting lessons. It's fun.
Wei just bought a tablet. It's pretty! I read magazines on it!
I read Sarah's autobiography she wrote when she was I would say 14, and it was hilarious. I hope to be as cool as 14 year old Sarah.
I stayed at Sarah's! Although I didn't see her much this weekend it was nice to be around her. She be real funny -- along with Charlotte. Watson is real rad.
No clear direction for this post. Just listening to Young Offenders, waiting until I go to the cellphone store to get my cell fixed, then work and work.
Oh, thanks to my Phil for being cool.
Peace, y'all.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
art and work and summer and french
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Monday, January 6, 2014
*gets slightly depressed*
Today marks the first day of the new academic year. Today I have chambre ensemble II and I have to audition but I really haven't prepared anything formally.
Today is the day I curl up in a ball and roll away from reality.
This has been a rough few weeks for me - and given all this pressure I'm surprised I haven't started the downward spiral of depression. Sometimes life is just a little too hard, and can sit on my shoulders just a little to heavily.
But now school starts, something a little more concrete and real. I have spent all morning in this irrational anxious fervour. I have just been shaking, scared thinking about what lies ahead for me. I don't feel like doing much and I know that getting ready and going to chambre ensemble is really going to be a painful challenge. Maybe I am already depressed!
Sometimes I wonder if I can actually handle the life style I've set out for myself. I have so much to worry about and so much to do. The scary thought is I can't really turn back now.
When I come face to face with fear, change, and misery, what will I do? Will I just sheepishly back away like a dog with its tail between its legs? Or will I push forward with the lion that lives in my hear? Will I roar thunderously, will I pounce, and strike fast? I want to say yes. In fact I know I will. I am known to never really just sit there and fade to black, or just lie there and die. I guess sometimes I need to just be a little more sensible. I can make mistakes and I guess that's what makes everything interesting.
Sometimes it's easy to feel alone.
Today is the day I curl up in a ball and roll away from reality.
This has been a rough few weeks for me - and given all this pressure I'm surprised I haven't started the downward spiral of depression. Sometimes life is just a little too hard, and can sit on my shoulders just a little to heavily.
But now school starts, something a little more concrete and real. I have spent all morning in this irrational anxious fervour. I have just been shaking, scared thinking about what lies ahead for me. I don't feel like doing much and I know that getting ready and going to chambre ensemble is really going to be a painful challenge. Maybe I am already depressed!
Sometimes I wonder if I can actually handle the life style I've set out for myself. I have so much to worry about and so much to do. The scary thought is I can't really turn back now.
When I come face to face with fear, change, and misery, what will I do? Will I just sheepishly back away like a dog with its tail between its legs? Or will I push forward with the lion that lives in my hear? Will I roar thunderously, will I pounce, and strike fast? I want to say yes. In fact I know I will. I am known to never really just sit there and fade to black, or just lie there and die. I guess sometimes I need to just be a little more sensible. I can make mistakes and I guess that's what makes everything interesting.
Sometimes it's easy to feel alone.
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